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ঘটনা একঃ প্রাইভেট ইউনিভার্সিটির এক সেমিস্টার উপরের সিনিয়র আপুটির প্রেমে পড়ল আকাশ (ছদ্মনাম)। অনেকদিন অপেক্ষা করার পর একদিন সাহস করে ভালোবাসার কথা বলেই ফেলল মেয়েটিকে (ফারিহা)। কিন্তু ফারিহা জানালো তার পক্ষে এই অসম ভালোবাসা গ্রহণ করা সম্ভব নয়। এরপরও কিন্তু প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হয়ে আকাশ হাল ছাড়ে না, অনেকভাবেই ফারিহার মন পাওয়ার চেষ্টা করে। কিন্তু কিছুতেই কিছু হলো না, বছর না ঘুরতেই দেখা গেলো ফারিহা তার সিনিয়র একটি ছেলের সঙ্গে প্রেম করা শুরু করল।

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হয়ে আকাশ পড়ালেখা প্রায় ছেড়েই দিলো, চোখের সামনে ফারিহার নতুন প্রেম দেখে আকাশের রাগ আরও বাড়তে লাগল, একটুতেই তার মেজাজ খারাপ হওয়া শুরু করল।

ঘটনা দুইঃ উচ্চমাধ্যমিকের ছাত্রী তিথি (ছদ্মনাম)। সে পছন্দ করলো তারই এক ব্যাচমেটকে। একদিন সে দীর্ঘ এক প্রেমের বার্তা পাঠাল তাকে। কিন্তু সেই ব্যাচমেট বেশ কঠোর গলায় সবার সামনেই সে প্রস্তাব প্রত্যাখ্যান করল। এই প্রত্যাখ্যানে তিথি একদিন একগাদা ঘুমের ওষুধ খেয়ে ফেলল। হাসপাতালে পাঁচ দিন থেকে সুস্থ হলেও ডিপ্রেশনে ভুগতে লাগল।

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে আকাশ আর তিথির মতোই আচরণ করে অনেকেই। কেউ ‘দেবদাস’র মত ভাবুক হয়ে ওঠে, কেউ নিজের ক্ষতি করে, কেউ ঝুঁকে পড়ে মাদকের দিকে অথবা বেছে নেয় আত্মহত্যার মতো ভয়ঙ্কর পথ। এগুলোর কোনোটাই কিন্তু সঠিক পথ নয়।

পৃথিবীতে সবচাইতে কষ্টের জিনিসটি হলো নিজের ভালোবাসার মানুষটিকে হারানো। মানুষ যাকে ভালোবাসে, জীবনে কি তাকেই পায়? হয়ত কেউ পায়, আবার অনেকেই পায় না। আর এই কষ্ট অনেক বেশি ভয়ানক হয়ে ওঠে, যখন নিজের প্রিয় মানুষটি হয় অন্য কারো প্রেমিক/প্রেমিকা। নিজের ভালোবাসার মানুষকে অন্য কারো সাথে দেখতে ভালো লাগে না কারোই। কিন্তু প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হয়ে এই পরিস্থিতিতে কি করবেন আপনি?

আদর্শ জীবনসঙ্গী খুঁজতে

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে মেনে নিন

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে দোষ যার-ই হোক না কেন, প্রথমেই ঐ মুহূর্তের পরিস্থিতিকে মেনে নিন। প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হওয়ার যে কষ্ট তা চিরস্থায়ী নয়। ঝড়ের পর সব যেমন শান্ত হয়ে আসে তেমনি এখনকার পরিস্থিতিও শান্ত হয়ে যাবে। শুধু ধৈর্য ধরে কিছুটা সময় নিজে শান্ত থাকার চেষ্টা করুন। মনে রাখবেন, একটি ব্যর্থতা আপনাকে আরও বড় কিছুর জন্য প্রস্তুত করছে।

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে নিজেকে দোষারোপ করবেন না

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে অনেকেই মনে করেন- “হয়ত আমারই জন্য সম্পর্ক ভেঙ্গে গেলো। আমি আরেকটু চেষ্টা করলেই হয়ত সম্পর্কটা টিকিয়ে রাখতে পারতাম” ইত্যাদি বলে শুধু শুধু নিজেকে দোষারোপ করেন। একটা সম্পর্ক ভাঙ্গার পেছনে হাজারটা কারণ থাকতে পারে। সবসময় মনে রাখবেন, একটা সম্পর্ক তার পরিণতি পায়নি ঠিকই, কিন্তু তাই বলে আপনার জীবনটাও শেষ হয়ে যায়নি। আর প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হওয়ার পর নিজেকে গুটিয়ে রাখবেন না। মনে রাখবেন প্রত্যাখ্যাত হওয়া কোনো অপরাধ নয়। স্বাভাবিক আচরণ করুন।

আরেকটা ছোট্ট কাজ করবেন। ভবিষ্যতে আবার সম্পর্কে জড়াবার আগে আগে ভালো করে চিন্তা-ভাবনা করেই পা ফেলবেন। জাস্ট একটি প্রত্যাখ্যান আপনাকে ছোট করতে পারবে না।

প্রাক্তনের সাথে ঝগড়া করবেন না

আপনার যেমন প্রেমের প্রস্তাব দেওয়ার অধিকার আছে, তেমনি বিপরীত জনের তা প্রত্যাখ্যান করার অধিকারও আছে। তাই প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে প্রতিশোধ নেওয়ার মতো ঘৃণ্য আচরণ থেকে বিরত থাকবেন। আপনি প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হয়েছেন বলে তার নামে অন্যদের কাছে আজেবাজে কথা বলবেন না। আপনি তাকে পছন্দ করেন বলেই যে সেও আপনাকে পছন্দ করবে, এমন কোনো বাধ্যবাধকতা নেই। তাছাড়া সম্পর্ক কেন দানা বাঁধল না বলে কৈফিয়ত চাওয়া, কথা কাটাকাটি , তর্কাতর্কি, ঝগড়াঝাঁটি করা এসব করলে শুধু তিক্ততাই বাড়বে। একে অপরের অধিকারবোধ বিষয়ে সচেতন হোন। অপরের প্রতি সম্মান রক্ষা করুন।

যে মানুষটি আপনাকে ছ্যাঁকা দিলো, তাঁর সঙ্গে সমস্ত যোগাযোগ বন্ধ করে দিন, সে কোনোদিন ফিরে আসতে চাইলেও আপনি তাঁকে সে সুযোগ দেবেন না। প্রাক্তনের সাথে বারবার দেখা করতে চাইবেন না। মনে জোর আনুন, নিজেকে অনেক বেশি সাহসী মনে হবে।

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে নিজেকে খানিকটা স্পেস দিন

সম্পর্ক ভেঙ্গে গিয়েছে বলে আপনি মন খারাপ করবেন বা আড়ালে গিয়ে কান্না করতেই পারেন। যার সাথে আপনি আপনার পছন্দ-অপছন্দ শেয়ার করেছিলেন, ঘুরে বেড়িয়েছেন এখন সেই মানুষটি আপনার পাশে নেই সেজন্য আপনার মন খারাপ হওয়াটা অস্বাভাবিক না মোটেই। তাই প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হয়ে আপনার যদি বালিশে মুখ লুকিয়ে সারাদিন কান্না করতে ইচ্ছা করে তাহলে সেটাই করুন। নিজেকে বাঁধা দেবেন না।

যদি দেখেন প্রাক্তন নতুন সম্পর্কে জড়িয়ে পড়েছে, তাহলে তার সম্পর্কটি ভাঙার চেষ্টা করবেন না। এতে আপনার কোনো লাভ নেই। বরং অযথাই আপনি মানুষটির চোখে অপরাধী হয়ে যাবেন।

আত্মহত্যার মত আত্মঘাতী ‍সিদ্ধান্ত নেবেন না

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে আত্মহত্যার মত আত্মঘাতী ‍সিদ্ধান্ত নেবেন না বা পরিস্থিতি ভুলে থাকতে নেশাকে বেছে নেবেন না। অনেকেই দেখা যায় প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে অস্থির হয়ে উলটোপালটা কাজ করে বসেন। অনেকে প্রেমিক/প্রেমিকার সাথে ঝগড়া হলে বা মতের অমিল হলে ব্লেড দিয়ে হাত-পা কাঁটা শুরু করে দেয় বা ঘুমের ওষুধ খায়। নেতিবাচক আচরণের বিপরীতে বেশি বেশি ইতিবাচক আচরণ করে জানান দিন আপনি একজন স্মার্ট পুরুষ বা স্মার্ট নারী। আর একজন স্মার্ট মানুষ প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে কখনোই কোনো নেতিবাচক আচরণ করে না।

একটি রিলেশন ভেঙ্গে যাবার পর আপনার প্রাক্তনকে জেলাস করার জন্য বা বন্ধুবান্ধবদের চাপে তড়িঘড়ি করে অন্য আরেকজনের সাথে রিলেশনে জড়িয়ে পরবেন না। এক জীবনে সবকিছু চাইলেই পাওয়া যায় না, এটা মনে রাখবেন। নিজেকে একটু সময় দিন, সঠিক মানুষটির জন্য অপেক্ষা করতে শিখুন।

জীবন চলুক তার আপন গতিতে

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে পরিস্থিতিকে মেনে নিয়ে নিজের পথে এগিয়ে যেতে পারার চেয়ে বড়ো গুণ আর হতে পারে না। সবার আগে নিজেকে ভাল বাসতে শিখুন। প্রাক্তনকে হয়ত খুব তাড়াতাড়ি মন থেকে মুছে ফেলতে পারবেন না, তাই বলে বারবার তার কথা মনে করবেন না। বরং নিজের ভালো লাগার কাজগুলোতে ডুবে গিয়ে নিজেকে ব্যস্ত রাখুন। ধৈর্য হারাবেন না। দেখবেন মনের মধ্যে থাকা হতাশা, মানসিক অবসাদ সব কিছু থেকে মুক্তি পাবেন।

একবার প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হয়েছেন বলে জীবন শেষ? একেবারেই তা নয়! প্রেম-ভালোবাসা থেকে বেরিয়ে যদি জীবনটাকে দেখেন, দেখবেন জীবনে করার কতশত কাজ রয়েছে। নিজের জীবনটাকে ঠিক জায়গায় প্রতিষ্ঠা করুন। নিজের আবেগকে নিয়ন্ত্রণ করতে শিখুন। আত্মবিশ্বাস ফিরিয়ে আনুন। আয়নার সামনে দাঁড়িয়ে দৃঢ়ভাবে বলুন, ‘আমার জীবন শেষ হয়ে যায় নি।’

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে নিজেকে ব্যস্ত রাখুন

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে নিজের দুর্বলতার জায়গাগুলো খুঁজে বের করুন। এরপর এই দুর্বল জায়গাগুলো কিভাবে শক্তিশালী করা যায় তা বের করুন। প্রয়োজন হলে বন্ধু ও অভিভাবকদের সহায়তা নিন। কেবল নিজেকে নিয়ে থাকবেন না বরং আপনার চারপাশের ঘটে যাওয়া ঘটনাপ্রবাহের সঙ্গেই চলুন। এ সময়টিতে নতুন কোনো ভাষা শিখুন, গান শিখুন। যে দক্ষতা কখনোই আপনার ছিল না সে রকম কিছুতে দক্ষতা অর্জনের চেষ্টা করুন।

বন্ধু-বান্ধব ও আত্মীয়-স্বজনদের কর্তব্য

বন্ধুমহলে কেউ একজন প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হয়েছে জানলে তারা হয়তো আপনার প্রতি সহানুভূতি দেখাবে বা কেউ উপহাসও করতেই পারে। তাই বিষয়টিকে সহজভাবে নেওয়ার চেষ্টা করুন, আর সে সঙ্গে নতুন নতুন মানুষদের সঙ্গে মিশুন। আর কাছের আত্মীয়-স্বজন ও বন্ধুবান্ধবদের বলছি, কেউ প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে তাকে উপহাস করবেন না বা তার প্রতি করুণা দেখাবেন না। এতে তার মনোবল কমে যায়। নিজেকে ছোট মনে করে।

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ না হতে চাইলে কি করবেন?

সম্পর্ক থাকাকালীন সময়ে হয়ত দুজনের মধ্যে অনেক মাখামাখি ছিল, হয়ত একে অন্যকে ছাড়া থাকতেই পারতেন না। কিন্তু কিছু সময় পরে দেখা গেল, সঙ্গী হয়ে উঠেছে চক্ষুশূল, একজন আরেকজনের নামই সহ্য করতে পারে না। এ অবস্থায় ব্রেকআপ ছাড়া গতি থাকে না। তাই বলে একটি ‍সুন্দর সম্পর্ক বাঁচানোর বা ব্রেকআপ ঠেকানোর কি কোনো উপায় নেই?

প্রেমের ভালো সময়ে নিজেদের সবাই নিজেদেরকে পারফেক্ট জুটি বলেই মনে করে। কিন্তু মনে রাখবেন, ’মিস্টার পারফেক্ট’ বা ‘মিসেস পারফেক্ট’ বলে আসলে কিছু হয় না। মনে রাখবেন, একটা মানুষ কখনোই পুরোপুরি পারফেক্ট হয় না। প্রেমের সম্পর্কে প্রথম দিকে পরস্পরের দোষগুলো চোখে পড়ে না। তাই সম্পর্কের শুরুতেই প্রেমে ব্যর্থ না হতে চাইলে সঙ্গীর গুণের সঙ্গে সঙ্গে খারাপ দিকটাও বিচার করা উচিত।

দুজনের মধ্যে পছন্দ-অপছন্দের মিল হলেই যে সেই সম্পর্ক স্থায়ী হবে তার কোনো মানে নেই। কোনো পরিস্থিতিতে যদি একজন উত্তেজিত হয়ে পড়েন, সেই ক্ষেত্রে অপরজনের উচিত ঠান্ডা মাথায় সমস্যার সামাধান করা। দুজনের মধ্যে কারও পক্ষে কোন কাজটা করা সম্ভব, আর কোনটা নয় তা জানা প্রয়োজন। সেইসঙ্গে সমাজ আর পরিবারের সঙ্গেও সামঞ্জস্য রাখতে হবে।

সম্পর্কে থাকাকালীন সময়ে দুজনের মধ্যে কোনো অশান্তি হলে তৃতীয় আরেকজন ঢুকে পড়তে পারেন সম্পর্কে। তেমন হলে অবশ্যই সঙ্গীর সঙ্গে আলোচনা করুন। ঝগড়া-অশান্তিতে না গিয়ে তার সঙ্গে খোলাখুলি আলোচনায় করে প্রয়োজন মনে হলে সম্পর্ক থেকে সরে আসুন।

সবশেষে টক্সিক রিলেশন থেকে বেরিয়ে আসতে দ্বিধাবোধ করবেন না। একটা সম্পর্ক বাঁচিয়ে রাখার তাগিদে আমরা হয়ত অনেক ধরনের ঝামেলাগুলোকে এড়িয়ে যাই। কিন্তু সম্পর্ক থাকা অবস্থায় পরিস্থিতি সহ্যের বাইরে চলে গেলে তা দুজনের পক্ষেই খারাপ হয়ে দাঁড়ায়।

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হওয়ার কিছু সুফল

ব্রেকআপ কি শুধুই কেড়ে নেয়? কিছুই কি দিয়ে যায় না? নাহ্‌, ব্রেকআপ মানুষকে অনেকটা পরিণত করে তোলে। প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে অনেকে মনে করে, এমন তীব্র আঘাত থেকে কোনোদিনই বের হওয়া যাবে না। তবে এটা সাময়িক সময়ের জন্য। সম্পর্কের ভাঙন যেমন দুঃখজনক, তেমনই তা জীবন সম্পর্কে শিখিয়ে যায় অনেক কিছু। ব্রেকআপ একজন মানুষকে বাস্তববাদী ও গোছানো মানুষে পরিণত করে।

প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে শেষ কথা

ভালবাসলেই সবার সাথে ঘর বাঁধা যায় না। কিন্তু তাই বলে প্রেমে ব্যর্থ হলে হাহাকার করে বাকি জীবনটা কাটাবেন? মোটেই না। প্রেমের সম্পর্কের বাইরেও জীবনে অনেক কিছু আছে, তাই প্রত্যাখ্যান মেনে নিয়ে জীবনের পথে এগিয়ে চলাই বুদ্ধিমানের কাজ। বিশেষ প্রয়োজন হলে কাউন্সেলরের পরামর্শ নিন।

বিয়ে সংক্রান্ত যেকোনো তথ্য, সেবা, এবং পরামর্শ পেতে যোগাযোগ করুন তাসলিমা ম্যারেজ মিডিয়ার সাথে।
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